Ashed away
by kagayaspirits
Summary: Replying late is always better than no replies at all, no?


I didn't intend to finish this fic, that's why I'm so surprised that I'm posting this on FF :)) The words just flowed out and I was so sleeping, so look out for spelling and grammar errors, as well as the fact that everyone's rather ooc :D

Feeling kinda happy though, that I accomplised in writing SuzuLulu. Suzaku's so precious, I've been so into him lately ^^ I tried to make him closest to the origin, but I guess he sounds kinda funny in this one.

I'm thinking of writing a short sequel to this one too, but it's not really necessary. Or maybe I'll just leave the content of it to everyone's imagination.

I'm having an exam in two days, but writing this was so much amusing. I truly suck at dialogues and was being a machosist when I stuffed a bunch of dialogues in this one. I can't even find a proper sentence in this fic Please tolerate with me and my abnormal amusement

*******

Hi there,

It is sunny and the sky is really blue. Is the sky over there blue as well?

I'm sorry I wrote this to you. You did tell me to cut off all communication after all. You did told me something like that back when we were younger too, right? But then again, thanks to me listening to you that time, we didn't meet each other for seven years!

Anyway, it's not like anything particularly has happened here. Everyone is fine. Everything is fine.

I'm really no good with words, am I?

You remember when we first met, when I yelled and you and Nunally because you guys robbed away my room? And I said some pretty terrible things to you both, and hated you so much? But gradually, we became friends, then best friends. Do you remember?

Ten years ago, we were best friends.

Three years ago, we were arch rivals who shared the same desire.

Two years ago, I was your knight and you were my king. Then I became your murderer, while you were assumed to be death under my sword.

Ne, can you answer me something honestly just for once?

What am I to you now?

I've always thought that we were best friends. That our friendship is one of the things that I cannot sacrifice at all cost. That we can always have each other at the worst timing.

Then I became Euphie's knight. I watched as Zero destroyed her life and swore to avenge her.

And I found out that it was you all this time. And I tried to kill you.

Remember that time when we were pointing our guns at each other?

That time, I'd never felt more regretful in my entire life.

That time, I wished you hadn't been the Zero person that ruined everything, the Zero that killed your own sister, the Zero that I had to defeat.

I wished you had never met C.C and obtained that evil power you possess, that you had never put a Geass on Euphie, that she would never gone mad against her own will.

I wished there was no wars, that there wasn't even a reason for it all to happen.

And, frighteningly, I wished we had never met, had never become friends, so that I wouldn't hesitate to shot you down.

Because no matter what you'd done, who you'd killed, no matter how much you'd hurt me, there is no way in this world that I can take away your life.

I care for you too much to do that.

Do you know why I agree to your plan of becoming the Emperor that rules the world? Do you know why I no longer hesitate to fight even though it would hurt my friends and innocent people?

Do you know why I asked to be the Knight of Zero, why I asked for such a foolish title when you alone, on your throne and with your Geass, can already rule the world?

Do you know why our path crossed again?

I'm not smart like you, I don't have the brain for strategies and plans and tricks. So, back when I heard about your plan, I just thought, if I could do anything to help you, to share the burden that you'd been carrying all this time. I just wanted to protect you, even for the slightest. I just wanted to be by your side.

One day, I realized why I couldn't avenge Euphie.

On the very same day, you asked me to be the people's hero, to defeat the most hated king.

You asked me to kill you.

How in the world was I supposed to do?

You are too cruel, too cruel, too cruel.

I cried when your blood stained on the sword. Even though I knew the plan, that everything would turn out all right, I couldn't help but cried.

Please answer me. What am I to you?

Am I your childhood friend who you used to play with when you were young, a friend from another country who piggybacked Nunally all the time because you were too weak to do so yourself?

Am I your rival who ruined your plan every time, the rival that you put a curse on for eternity, the curse that took away the only sign of being alive, the right to die?

Am I your comrade who took your plan into action and gave to the chance to save your sister, the person who protected your rear, the one that obeyed you unquestionably?

Am I your knight who must stand silently beside your throne and make sure you stay alive?

Am I another pawn in your chess board, just like many other pawns that you lose in the game?

Am I none of the above, but just someone randomly crossed by your life who held no importance?

In the end, you chose C.C. She really is a better person for you, isn't she?

I'm not expecting an answer for this letter. I just wrote this down all out of the blue.

It'll be a miracle itself if this letter ever reaches you.

There's a meeting with China and I need to go. Better not let everyone wait and ruin Zero's face, after all this time you've built it up, no?

Goodbye. Take care. Tell C.C I wish her well. She is your shield who can protect you better than I can, after all.

Sincerely yours,

K.S

P.S: I was avoiding saying this until the last minute.

I love you.

*******

"You going out, Lelouch?"

"Mm, I'll be away for a few days."

"Where to?"

"Just going to collect a few memories that I dropped."

*******

"It's been so long since I last went to this place. Thanks for taking me, Suzaku-san."

"No problem, Nunally. By the way, don't say my name, it'll be problematic if people know that 'Suzaku' is still alive."

"Ahh, sorry, Suza, I mean, Zero-san. Ne, it feels really good to be back here, doesn't it? You haven't been back here since ages too, right?"

"Yeah, ever since five years ago. But back at that time I didn't have time to visit places too, it was still during the war…"

"Zero-san, can you take me to the sunflower field that we played at before?"

Rustle.

"Zero-san?"

Rustle, rustle. Footsteps on the fallen leaves.

"Zero…Suza…"

"Hey, Zero, Nunally-chan. What are you guys doing, standing in the middle of the path like that?"

"Kallen, great timing. Can you keep Nunally's company for a little bit? I think I left something back at the shrine."

"Oh, all right…Be quick!

Footsteps away, away, cracking dried leaves.

"Kallen-san? Can you take me to the sunflower field?"

"But, shouldn't we wait for Zero's return?"

Smile.

"It's all right, he knows."

*******

"Why are you here?"

"Just because you and Nunally are officially alive and can visit places you want doesn't mean a suppose-to-be-dead person like me can't return and reminiscence too."

"Hey, can you take that mask off? I miss your face and I certainly didn't come here to talk to a mask."

Rustle. Clank.

"I'm not in the mood to listen to lies."

"Honest Suzaku as always. You haven't changed at all after all this time, have you? Being Zero's done you no good, I see."

"Are you here to criticize my acting as Zero?"

Smirk.

"Far from it. I'm here to reply."

"What?"

"First of all, aren't you a bit far? Come here."

Step. Step. Step.

Tight embrace.

"So obedient, Suzaku."

"Well, I AM your knight, Lelouch."

Chuckle.

"What's so funny?"

"Nah, nothing…". Face to face. A finger trailing from the back, up to the shoulder, passing the cheek and resting at the chin. The hand cupping the side of the face. Eyes locking with eyes.

"Close your eyes."

Eyes locking with eyes.

"I thought you were my knight?"

"What if you disappear?"

Pause.

Cracking laughter.  
"You really are honest, aren't you Suzaku? I've missed that so much!"

"Fine, I'll do it. But only if you promise not to disappear from me."

"All right."

"You promise?"

"Yeah."

Eyes no longer locking with eyes.

Lips sliding with each other. And they locked together.

"You opened your eyes."

"That order's still activated?"

"Doesn't matter. Hey, Suzaku?"

"Yes?"

"Hold me."

"Is that an order?"

"No."

"Why?"

"You don't want to? After what you wrote in that letter."

"I never said I didn't."

"Then why asking?"

"You won't answer me, will you?"

"You should've known my stubbornness by now."

"I do."

*******

"Next time, don't take Nunally here."

"Why?"

"You want to take her to the place where her brother and his friend had sex?"

"So that's your answer, it's 'friend'."

"How else does Nunally see you as, anything different from 'friend of her brother'?"

"So it's all about Nunally in the end."

"You're jealous of my own sister?"

"…"

"Anyway, can you take me to the bed or something? The floor's hard."

*******

Ring. Ring. Ring.

"…Hello…"

"Zero, where are you? Don't you remember we're having a meeting with Xing Ke and the others today? By the way, where have you been all day yesterday? We had to leave first because you didn't return!"

"I'll be right..there…"

"Zero?"

Rustle.

"Kallen, do this for me."

"Yes?"

"After the meeting today, burn the Kururugi Shrine."

"What? Isn't that the place where Lelouch and Nunally used to live? Isn't that a special place for her?"

"Will you do it or what?"

"But Nunally…"

"I'll talk to her."

"…All right. But return quickly, we still have the meeting."

"Fine."

Rustle. Rustle.

*******

"Zero-san, can I have a word with you?"

"Of course, Nunally."

"Why did you burn down the shrine?"

"Ne, Nunally, what am I to you?"

"I don't understand…"

Clank.

"You're talking to Suzaku. What is Suzaku to you?"

"Suzaku-san, what's the meaning of this?"

"Please, answer me, Nunally."

"You're…our friend, mine and Lelouch…"

Clink.

Step. Step. Step.

"Suzaku-san, you still haven't answered my question!"

"Let's just say it was a personal problem of mine as a Kururugi."

"That's selfish, Suzaku-san…"

"I'm sorry, Nunally."

"It can't be helped, right, Suzaku-san? I'm sorry, I should have thought about your circumstances at first."

"It's nothing, Nunally. Now, let us go back."

"Selfish, huh?

That makes the two of us."


End file.
